To Follow Genny

I liked what Genny said in one of her recent blogs about blogging being like therapy where she can share. I agree with her. I used to journal. (I know some of you have empty beautiful journals you never use). I don't have a nice journal just a spiral notebook where I wrote my thoughts and questions. It was quite therapeutic. Might say at times it was a way to release "toxins" I had been given. However, that changed. Let's just say some curious teenagers decided they needed to know more details about what was going on and well, they found out things teenagers should never know about their parents going through a divorce. So, as a result of that I don't journal anymore.

I try to be careful what I write in my blog. I don't want this to be a "bashing" time or just a place where I gripe. I also know that people don't really know unless they are told. So, I am going to share some without "bashing" or griping.

I have worked hard to follow my attorney's advice and the court orders. If the court said go to these parenting classes even thou they were a joke and completely humanistic and expensive, I would go. If the court said go see this social worker with my ex, then I went even though it was merely an attack session of which the social worker allowed. If my attorney said you have to have the kids ready by 6:00 and wait until 6:30 even though I knew he was not going to show, then I did it and continue to. Or when I was told this is the best deal I will get when my heart knew it was not the best for the kids, I stood before a judge and made myself say I did believe it was the best and I agreed to it. It was like watching my kids lives be destroyed right before my eyes. It was the same sickening feeling I had when I realized there had been others. I was told it is not about me or their father but about the kids. I must make every effort for their sake. Even when there were CPS investigations due to allegations. I collected the kids went to the office so "if needed" they could turn the video camera's on. I had them come to my home to conduct investigations even the day after I had surgery. Thankfully, a friend was there.

He chooses to leave his stable job, move over an hour away, and remarry. These new choices now effect my children because he also chooses to stop doing the few things he was doing that the courts have said he was to do. When I question what he is doing and what we need to do to make sure he does what he should, I get several responses.

Don't worry about it. He will settle down.

Give it some time. It takes time for everything to switch over.

We will have to send a letter to his attorney first.

Yes, the letter has been sent, but he has thirty days to comply.

No, he has not complied. We will have to contact his attorney again.

We will have to go to court.

He did sign the papers so we don't have to go to court.

Again, I asked about enforcing the decree to make him do what he is to do. I was told my attorney would not work on anything else until I paid my bill. So, I borrowed the money and paid off the attorney. Each time I inquired I was given the same response.
"We are working on it. He has to be served personally since he does not have an attorney anymore."
Two months later, the papers are ready. Oh, but now he does not have a job which makes it much harder to locate him. I was told he was served and found out several weeks later as the court date approached he was not. Some sort of mix up. What? Why? They can't get him to come to the door. OK, so what does that mean? Can't go to court without him being served personally? So, he can avoid being served and we can never go to court. "We will keep trying." At my expense! You can hire a Private Investigator, but that will cost at least $2500. Again, my expense! Seems like someone knows how to "work" the legal system.

All this time while he is being a whatever it is he is being I am told to continue to do the right thing and things will work out. From where I am, it appears that the courts continue to give the benefit of the doubt to him. On things that technically I could do I am told the judge would not look favorably on it. So, in the meantime, he continues to ignore any responsibility to the kids and continues to avoid any consequences for his actions.

I am really starting to doubt our legal system!

This is one of those times I have to go with what I know not what I feel. I know in my head whether the courts ever hold him accountable, he will be held accountable before God Almighty. In the meantime, I have to work on my attitude and not become bitter. I know God is in control.

Genny, you are right. Blogging does help!