Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up and the day before seems
like a dream like it really did not happen? I have and today was one of those days.
Can a parent really show favortism toward one child and walk
away from the others?
Surely what I am hearing and seeing is not real?
Oh, God when I said whatever I did not know it
would mean this?
Do my kids have to suffer so much for something they
have no control over?
How does a parent pray for their children to be protected knowing that the very
thing happening to them may be what God uses to bring about healing and a closer
relationship with the Father? If I knew the answer I would not be so overwhelmed
with hurt for my kids. How does a parent stand by and watch the pain and suffering
knowing there is absolutely nothing they can do? I know Jacob's favortism toward
Joseph cost Joseph his relationship with his family yet God used it for good. I don't
understand how a parent can choose one over the others. How a parent can make
choices that will greatly impact the children in a negative way and continue with
those choices? How can what once seemed so precious now be discarded?
My heart is heavy for my kids and what they must endure. I am completely helpless.
Recently God has been telling me, "Let go and trust Me." God I have
been letting go for the past two years. What more can I let go of? My kids? No, I
can't do that. I can't allow them to hurt as I have. Surely there is another way
Lord? I don't want to do this. What if they need me? I have to be there for them.
Again, "Let go and trust Me." Are you sure Lord? They are only kids. They need
me. They can't do this. "Let go and trust Me."
Just when I think there cannot possibly be anything more painful, I realize yes there
can be. It is one thing when the pain and suffering involves me but when it involves
my kids. OUCH! I am at a place where I must choose. Will I let go and trust Him or
will I continue to hold on tightly and get in the way of what God is going to do? I know
what I must do but it is hard emotionally to do this. I know I am only prolonging their
pain and their healing. Not that I could ever know what Abraham experienced when he prepared to offer his son, but I see a glimpse of how difficult this must have been for
him. Sacrifice my children.
Once again, the words of a recent choir song echo my heart.
When I don’t know what to do
I’ll lift my hands
When I don’t know what to say
I’ll speak Your praise
When I don’t know where to go
I’ll run to Your throne
When I don’t know what to think
I’ll stand on Your truth
When I don’t know what to do
Cease striving (let go) and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
Ok, God I am choosing obedience even when it does not make sense to this mom.
4 comments:
Amazing how that song has continued to minister to us, isn't it? And, aren't you grateful for a God who can carry us through the pain. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world.
YES, If it were not for Him, I would not be able to endure the pain. I am reminded of Anthony Evans song,
"It is the hurt the breaks me
it is the pain that pulls me to my knees and the tears they change me to what I couldn't see become so clear to me this is the way the way that You love me."
Praying for you, dear one. :-)
I'll be praying for your kids. And, although every situation is different, trust that there are those who do come out okay (at least I like to think I am!) and these very situations are the ones that shape you and make you stronger in Christ.
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